8 posts tagged “porn”
You may be aware of this service called Twitter, a micro-blogging site which, according to the mainstream media, is swallowing our children's souls or something. I am part of the new micro-blogging revolution, and as a result my maxi-blog has been terribly neglected, for which I am sorry. Twitter is shiny and new, and Vox is comparatively old and busted. Thus are the cruel vicissitudes of the Internet.
There is a phenomenon of celebrity Twitterers, and I in general have a rule where I don't follow celebs, because they are for the most part vaccuous and self-serving Billy Hufsey-esque strokers of their own egos. However, a few are cool, and actually provide amusing content.
There are porn stars who use Twitter, and the one that I follow is Sasha Grey, for the simple reason that she is the greatest porn star in the world.
The interesting thing about her Tweets is that they are almost wilfully mundane, as if to say, "Hey, Internet wankers, I'm more than a dick-sucking machine." I appreciate this, especially in Grey's case, as she has proven that her ambitions extend beyond leather sofas and restroom floors. Good for her. If her Twitters were all about getting drilled in the ass, I probably wouldn't bother.
However!
Her role as a satisfier of selfish male sex fantasies will always be a part of her public image, no matter how many Stephen Soderberg movies she makes, so is it too much to ask that she mix just a LITTLE bit of smut into the feed? You know: "I went shopping and found the best pair of shoes, but not in my size! :( Then later, I sucked three cocks."
That would really be terrific.
In the Star Wars universe, in the entire galaxy of characters throughout the decades of the canonical films, Padme and Annakin Skywalker are the only two characters that we can say with any certainty have had sex.
What a dull fucking galaxy, right?
This realization about the sexless nature of Star Wars of course got me curious to see what the fans had done about it, so I caught a wave over to Google Images and was immediately treated to cartoon images of Padme fucking Yoda, stormtroopers raping Leia, Mace Windu fucking Padme, some random servant girl 69-ing Padme, Obi-Wan and Annakin fucking Padme (the dearth of female characters in the series almost guarantees that Padme or Leia will be the subject of these sci-fi jerkoff fantasies), etc. The best image I found is the one to the left, ha-ha.
I wonder who's turned on by these silly cartoons, and why somebody would rather look at a porn image if Samuel L. Jackson's head is grafted onto some dude's body, and I honestly can't answer. I just hope that I never meet any of these people. Anybody who would take the time to map Wookie hair onto a guy's body just to finally realize his dream of seeing Chewbacca rear-end Leia is not somebody whose hand I would want to shake.
-----
[This is post #3 of NaBloPoMo]
So that people can know where you really stand on this controversial and contentious issue.
Show us what makes you a die-hard fan.
This is Jayna Oso.
I prove how much of a die-hard fan of hers I am by masturbating to her scenes frequently. I'm not going to show you that, but I think you get the point.
Question, y'all: I was originally going to post a more explicit photo of her, but since Vox tattles and posts my photos all over the damn place on your homepages, and a lot of you use Vox at work, I'm trying to be a little nicer about that (I do so much for you people). Is there any way to hide a photo in my gallery but make it available to folks who click on a link? That way I can have the more NSFW pic and any 'hoodites who aren't offended by a sexy lady's vagina or aren't currently working for people who are could click on the link and see what I really wanted to have in the post?
Because even if I tag it as offensive, I think the photo still shows up on all of y'alls homepages.
Thank you ever so much for any assistance you may be able to offer in my ongoing quest to post pussy photos without melting Vox.
(Oh, dear! I see by the tag that this post was supposed to be about sports! Good heavens! Won't somebody think of the children!)
Who was the first person to give you info -- correct or not -- on how to "make babies"?
Submitted by Manon-It-All.
My stepfather's porn collection.
As I have made clear in previous posts, I borrow a lot of movies from my parents. They buy DVDs all the time and purchase from a pretty broad spectrum of mainstream releases, so if there's a movie I was semi-interested in seeing on the big screen (but not interested enough to actually pay for it), odds are they will pick it up when it hits home video (since they don't go to the movies).
I gave four of their movies back to them two days ago. They were The Queen, Children of Men, Hannibal Rising and Apocalypto.
The following occurred this evening, while I was watching Pan's Labyrinth:
[Text message from my mother] Check your DVD player.
Huh? There's a head-scratcher. I'm watching a movie right now, so I know what's in there. Did I forget to put one of the movies back in the case before giving them back? No, I couldn't have...the disc would be on top of the TV if I had. Hm...
I call her immediately. As the phone is ringing, I suddenly remember something. During the time that I was borrowing those four movies, I also watched this:
Oh, no, no-no-no...FUCK NO. Please don't tell me that I returned one of my parent's DVDs with fucking Bring 'Um Young #17 in the case...
As my mother is answering the phone, I am sprinting into my bedroom. "What's up?" I ask as casually as possible while popping the case open.
Simultaneously:
- I see that my porn is still snug in its case.
- She asks: "Do you have The Transporter?"
"The Transporter?" I ask. "No...I hate that movie. Why would I borrow The Transporter from you?"
"Oh...we were going to watch it, and it's not in the case."
"Well, I'm sorry, but I don't have it."
Conversation ends, I hang up, imaginary crisis averted.
But man...the sheer, cold-sweaty terror that I was gripped by during the half-a-minute that I believed I was going to have to actually have a conversation with my mother about Bring 'Um Young #17. Not only that, but for the next FOREVER years of my life, I would have to hear this every time I mentioned to her that I couldn't find something: "Maybe it's in your room with all of your PORNOS!"
Ugh.
It's little moments like these that help us remember that we're alive.
If you could eat anything you wanted, and not have to worry about gaining weight/being unhealthy/inhumane, what would you totally pig out on?
Submitted by Jay.
Do a pervert a favor:
Try to limit your banner ads to subjects that are not infinitely more disgusting than the fetish that I expressed interest in by visiting your site. To answer the question posed by the ad in question, No, I do not want to see "big dicks in bloody pussies."
Furthermore, fuck you. Fuck you, you motherfuckers. Fuck you SO HARD. This is twice in one week you've almost made me puke.
You suck. Rest assured I'm not going to play Russian roulette with my eyeballs by visiting your website again anytime soon.
Once more with feeling: FUCK YOU.
Sincerely,
Kevin Wolf
