15 posts tagged “chat”

Chat: "Tiger"

Apr 3, 2009
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Jill: Yum. lunch out of a vending machine.

me: Keep the Eye of the Tiger.

Jill: I think the Eye of the Tiger is completely sustained by vending machine food.

me: Must be a pretty sickly Tiger, then, with a rheumy, near-sighted Eye.

Chat: "Motherfucking Soup"

Feb 23, 2009
8 comments

Background: I made some delicious vegan chicken noodle soup last night.

-----

Jill: I want some mother-fucking soup.

10:46 AM me: You'll have to go to Sylvia's in New York to get that.

It's Bill O'Reilly's favorite dish there.

10:47 AM Jill: Did you eat it all? I would have no problem killing you for that. I want to skip Jeff's class just to come home and eat some.

me: I have not touched it.

Jill: snap you like a twig

me: The soup is still in full effect.

10:48 AM Jill: snap

10:49 AM me: I'm going to eat it all now just to spite you.

NOM NOM NOM.

Chat: "Twitter"

Feb 18, 2009
3 comments

Jill: why is twitter destroying the interweb

1:44 PM me: Because it's reducing all social contact to these tiny status updates. Nobody talks anymore, they just update their status on Facebook and Twitter.

1:45 PM Jill: I still have to talk to you.

me: Maybe you could just post 140-letter status updates on your door throughout the day.

1:46 PM "Jill want to know what Kevin is thinking about for dinner."

"Jill is thinking about watching Countdown."

"Jill wants Nanda to get ready for bed."

1:47 PM Jill: I could. That would save me from real life dialogue.

me: Soon all the world will be communicating this way.

1:48 PM We'll just have little computer screens, and we'll type all of our conversation to each other.

At the store, at work...

We'll eventually lose the capability of speech. We'll just be techo-chimps, grunting at each other with emoticons.Jill: Wow. How is the fatalism working for you today?

Chat: "Lemur"

Dec 11, 2008
5 comments

Jill: Man.I wish I could blink and make a jack and coke appear. '

That would be awesome

1:06 PM me: That would be an excellent and easily abused ability.

1:08 PM Jill: It is now on my Christmas list.

me: Hmm...

That's a tall order.

1:09 PM Jill: It is a worthy order.

1:10 PM me: I'll get my team of rogue genetic scientists working on that.

Jill: Thanks.

It is time you gave them something to do.

1:11 PM me: Yeah, they've been trying to create a lemur that looks like Matt Damon.

No idea why.

Man, the things that scientists get up to when left to their own devices.

Jill: That is a waste of time. My drinking habit deserves much more attention.

me: I think they intend to replace the real Matt Damon with the lemur.

You know, to see if anybody notices.

Chat: "Rats"

Jul 4, 2008
3 comments

me: Yay, I have you addicted to Bellen now!

How's things?

5:46 PM Sara: you do
?

I checked it...and I didn't like it so much

me: Oh, I thought you said thank you on my blog.

5:47 PM Which suggested to me that you liked it.

Must have been a different Sara.

Yep, it was the other Sara.

Looks like she has better taste than you. :-P

5:48 PM Sara: ha!

i am disappointed that you are friends with more than one Sara

me: Haha.

She's just in my 'hood.

Sara: haha

5:49 PM yeah, i wanted to like it...i started from the beginning and went through probably 50 strips...

me: I'm watching something on the Chiller network called "Rats".

Sure to be a classic.

Sara: i just couldn't get into it

what is that?

me: Umm, it's about rats, I assume.

5:50 PM The description is "A colony of vermin infests New York".

Sara: ewww

me: Which sounds less like a horror movie than it does a description of the population of New York City.

But what do I know?

Sara: haha

right

5:51 PM so i am wondering about you and bellen!...

me: "A colony of vermin infests New York? Okay...but what is the movie about?"

Sara: it seems to schmaltzy for you...

too cutesy

me: Read the newer ones...it's a combination of cutesy and also despair and alienation.

5:52 PM It gets less cutesy over time.

Sara: hmmmm

ok

5:53 PM me: It's very honest about relationships.

5:55 PM So, I'm thinking about doing comics again.

5:56 PM Perhaps an action comic this time.

Titled "America--The Explosion".

One brace man fighting against time to protect America from its enemies.

"brave"

5:57 PM Sara: ooo i like

me: Kind of like "24" combined with "Walker, Texas Ranger".

Which would be the most awesomest thing ever.

5:58 PM Sara: time travel??

me: Umm, no.

Sara: ohhhh

i read "fighting against time" wrong

haha

me: Haha.

You are so dim sometimes. :-P

5:59 PM Sara: no, i just saw some steampunk "artifacts" on someone's flickr, and was in that mindset

me: Ahh, gotcha.

This movie has Madchen Amick in it.

She's still a cutie.

6:00 PM But not like when she was on "Twin Peaks", oh, man.

Sara: haha

me: These rate are just regular-sized rats.

I don't get the big deal.

Now she's being attacked by one in her car.

It's just a rat.

6:01 PM That was ridiculous.

She just ran it over.

Sara: hahahahaha

you can always change the channel!

me: I repeat: it was a normal-sized rat.

No, no, I'm committed to this, now.

Whoa: a preview for Twin Peaks is on now.

6:02 PM SYNCHRONICITY!

Sara: whoa

6:04 PM me: I think I might post this chat.

What the hell?

6:05 PM Sara: i love that you are crying out in the chat like you would in a real life convo...and i have no idea what you are referring to!

are the rats, at least, infected with rage?

are they zombie rats?

gremlin rats

?

me: I don't know...they're maybe more aggressive?

Maybe they're super-intelligent?

6:06 PM They just seem like regular old rats to me.

Sara: but do they bob and weave?

do they hunger for flesh?

oh wait, regular rats would hunger for flesh

are their eyes all fucked up?

6:07 PM me: This seems like a job for Discovery Channel's Verminators.

Some scientist just said something about testosterone levels "off the charts".

So, they're stronger and more aggressive that regular rats.

Probably with bigger balls.

They didn't mention that, though.

6:08 PM "Jesus, this rat has big balls!"

Sara: they are manly rats

me: "MY GOD...do you know what this means?"

Madchen Amick's gonna get RAT BUKKAKED.

Sara: "Get them to a whorehouse, STAT!"

Chat: "So Funny"

Apr 8, 2008
2 comments

me: Halloo!
Sara: HOWDY
me: We are going to annihilate Mika.
Sad, so sad.
Sara: HAHA
YEAH
ooops
no shouting sorry
me: I really don't care about all caps.
SOme people are total fucking snobs about it.
It bothers me not.
A refusal to capitalize AT ALL, however? That's a different story.
Sara: :P
me: You are lazy and shiftless.
HAHA, shiftless!
GET IT!
HAHA I AM SO CLEVER.
See...because you don't hit the shift key...
Sara: hahaha (I wanted that to laugh like a robot voice, but I don't know how to go about doing that)
me: You're jealous of my quick-draw wit.
It's okay, I understand.
We can't all be like me, after all.
You should be content with your own, much less-brilliant-than-me, sense of humor.
It's funny sometimes!
Sara: sometimes I like to let you ramble on
it amuses me
me: That's because I'm SO FUCKIN' FUNNY.

Chat: "Olden Times"

Mar 31, 2008
2 comments

Mika: Beep.

Cook me some dinner, boy!

5:58 PM me: Haha!

Not cooking yes.

"yet"

Mika: I don't care?

You cook me some dinner right NOW.

me: HAHA!

What are you gonna do if I don't?

From Hawai'i?

5:59 PM Mika: I am ninja. You will never know what hit you.

me: Where you don't even have running water or algebra?

Mika: Man, and my dolphin ran away from home, so I didn't have a ride to work today.

me: HAHA!

Mika: Took me an extra two hours to get there because I had to paddle.

Talk about olden times.

6:00 PM me: That sucks.

Maybe you should rub a tiki god or something and pray for the volcano god to bless you with a new dolphin-----Now read this post so you get what we were talking about.

Chat: "Gay Bar"

Mar 15, 2008
5 comments

Jill: What do I want to wear?

me: Something fun and comfortable.

7:38 PM And semi-sexy.

Can you assemble such an outfit?

Jill: Hmm...

me: Or maybe you want to just for for all out S&M tramp.

(there should be an emoticon for shrugging)

7:42 PM Jill: No, it is a gay dive bar

me: Ok, then my original suggestion is probably more appropriate.

7:43 PM Gay men seem to like breasts, so show them off.

Jill: Yeah. Hell, I could wear my pj's there.

me: Haha!

Jill: Yes, yes, they do.

I get groped a lot by them

me: Funny, eh?

Jill: constantly

7:45 PM me: Yeah, Sara experiences the same phenomenon.

It's weird.

I guess all men are programmed to like breasts, regardless of sexual orientation.

But gay men can get away with it, so they grope away.

7:46 PM I'm going to go to a club and pretend to be gay for a night.

Nahh, it wouldnt' work. I can't dance.

DAMN.

Jill: Just don't get aroused. I've been dancing with a "gay" guy and had him do that. It is creepy

me: Oh, man.

Wow.

Jill: It was icky

7:47 PM me: Maybe it was just from all the friction?

Sure, that's it.

Friction.
Jill: It was creepy

me:Yeah, this one time I was at a club, and this guy got a boner, and it was so weird, because we were in the alley and I hadn't even unzipped his pants yet, and...I've shared too much.

7:50 PM Jill: That's ok. Lea already told me that story.

Chat: "We are genuises"

Mar 5, 2008
12 comments

This chat contains spoilers for the film 30 Days of Night, if you care.

-----

me: Hello, Sara Shea, what's happenin'?
sara: Hey Kevin Wolf!
Waiting to start work at 11pm
me: Yippee!
Man, your schedule sucks!
sara: IT TOTALLY DOES
me: I just watched "30 Days of Night".
sara: I hate working overnight
me: It was Not Bad.
sara: what did youthink?
yes, I agree
me: It is bleak and bloody as hell, which is the way I like my horror.
sara: soooo trye
true, even
me: I quibble with a couple plot points, but generally I thought it was quite good.
sara: yes, I saw it alone when it came out, and left feeling entertained and impressed with most of it
me: Yeah.
My quibbles:
I tire of the science-ification of horror movies, so I do NOT think that a UV light would ahve the same effect upon a vampire as the sun.
sara: yes
me: Vampirism is a CURSE, it's SUPERNATURAL, it has nothing to do with viruses and UV light.
sara: yes
me: The SUN kills them, not grandma's grow lamp.
Second quibble:
The dude blows himself up with like 8 sticks of dynamite, and then you see him still alive with half his face blackened.
What the HELL is that all about?
sara: HHAHAHAHA
I forgot about that
yes
me: Third quibble: the big one.
You know what I am going to say.
sara: say it anyway
me: Josh Hartnett turns himself into some half-ass vampire by injecting his dead friend's blood?
And then he goes out to fight the bloodsuckers and save his woman, but the sun was coming up in like ten minutes anyway?
That was retarded.
sara: hehe
me: However, the final shot, with her holding him as he turned to ash, was very nice, so...
Whatcha gonna do?
sara: I was able to swallow the injection thing, even though I didn't love it so much, because the rescue scene was fun
me: Yeah.
My favorite bit?
sara: um, and the girlfriend is hawt
me: Little brother CHOPPING A 6-YEAR OLD'S FUCKING HEAD OFF.
CHOPPED
IT
OFF.
sara: SO GREAT
me: That's so much more hardcore than you usually get from a Hollywood horror flick.
I loved how it was just unabashedly R-Rated.
sara: and yet, it was your run-of-the-mill-bloody-fang-movie
AND SO MUCH MORE
me: Haha.
And Josh Hartnett continues his illogical string of Kevin-impressing film roles.
sara: I actually really dug their take on Renfield
that was unexpected
me: He's come a long way since playing the brooding drug dealer in that crapfest "The Faculty".
sara: (ok, I liked Hartnett too, WHICH I CANNOT EXPLAIN)
me: Oh, yeah, Ben Foster was great.
Check out "3:10 to Yuma" if you want to see a great Ben Foster performance.
sara: no one goes for renfield these days
unless they want to do a corset piece, you know
me: Haha, yeah.
sara: so, that was refreshing
me: Indeed!
sara: I love me the vampire movies
and I love me the zombie movies
and it was kinda both
me: Yeah, it was more zombie than vampire.
All horror movies nowadays are basically zombie movies, it seems.
sara: yes, it's a disturbing trend, I find
not everything can be zombies
THIS IS A FACT
me: Seriously.
HAHA!
Yes, it is an inarguable fact that NOT EVERYTHING CAN BE ZOMBIES.
Print that on a tee-shirt, because it is TRUE.
sara: WE HAVE JUST MADE A TSHIRT
hahaha
we are genuises

Chat: "Sara Saves the Day"

Feb 9, 2008
9 comments

4:14 PM me: Huh, my Ben Affleck facts got [tig]-ed in the Entertainment module thingy.

Sara: oh???

me: That just makes up for everything else shitty in my life.

Sara: let's see!

me: I'M FINE NOW.

4:18 PM Sara: I don't see it?

me: You have to click on the Entertainment button, doofus.

Sara: oh

me: :-P

Sara: I'm a lame-o

4:19 PM me: Haha, no, you're just ditzy and easily confused. There's a difference.

Sara: this whole new thing CONFUZZLES ME

me: Yeah, I'm only now getting used to it, and I like to think I'm a pretty clever guys.

"guy"

Sara: ok, that's totally rad

me: I mean, I have opposable thumbs and everything.

Sara: ha!

4:20 PM I didn't realize you had to toggle around

me: Ha! Yeah, there's like six pages of shit, now.

It's actually sort of a SUPER-[tig}.

So, I guess I'm okay with it.

I still hate the neighborhood module like a Nazi child-rapist, though.

But, oh, well.

4:21 PM Sara: yeah, I like this new [tig] thing...but the neighborhood thing...eh, don't get me started

me: I hate it as if it were the Nazi child-rapist, not in the manner of a Nazi child-rapist, just to be clear.

I'm sure somewhere there is a Nazi child-rapist who just loves the new neighborhood module to death.

Sara: yes, I got that

4:22 PM me: He's all like, "I love ziss new neighborhood module almozt az much as rrrraping kinder!"

Or something like that.

Sara: HAHA

4:23 PM me: Really, I'm not in tune with the interior monologues of Nazi child-rapists.

Sara: yeah, the certainty of that statement kinda freaked me out.

4:24 PM me: I'm afraid that I have just perpetrated a chat funny that must be shared with my neighborhood.

Sorry.

Sara: haha!

um, edit something in there that makes me sound more clever

me: Your my official chat-buddy now that Justin decided to be a shit-eating scum and break my heart.

HAHA!

Sara: um, yeah, make me smarter

I don't want to look like a total dumbass

me: Um, I post these things to make ME look clever, woman.

Jeez.

4:25 PM Sara: HA!

this whole exchange right now is going to posted too, and it's going to be hilarious!

me: HAHA, yes, I just might extend it a bit.

Sara: Hey, peeps reading Kevin's blog...I am much more charming and smart in real life

go read MY boring blog!

4:26 PM me: HAHA!

Sara: (sorry for the shameless plug)

actually, not sorry

me: Great, now you're going to think that I'm planning on posting every chat we have.

I've created a monster.

Sara: maybe if I think I'll get more readers I'll blog more

no, that's not what I meant

hey, create a monster for our story

me: And isn't THIS closer to real life than a blog, anyway?

Hmm.

4:27 PM Sara: It IS!

me: I started my first aborted attempt by starting with the villain, or at least A villain, and I'm not sure it was the right way to go.

I mean, findamentally, I understand that it's good pulp storytelling, but eh...

Sara: well....send it my way...

erm

4:28 PM write a teensy bit more and THEN send it

me: Okay.

Sara: because, it's a collaboration, right?

me: I'll make a good-faith effort tonight.

Yes.

Sara: even if you know where you want it to go...I COULD TOTALLY CHANGE IT!

without realizing it, of course

so....not knowing is ok

me: Haha, that is true.

4:29 PM I didn't realize that.

It's okay for me to pull a bunch of shit out of a hat and have no idea where it's going.

Hmm.

Sara: yes!

so...pressure relieved!

I TOTALLY JUST SAVED THE DAY

Chat: "Tiger"

Chat: "Motherfucking Soup"

Chat: "Twitter"

Chat: "Lemur"

Chat: "Rats"

Chat: "So Funny"

Chat: "Olden Times"

Chat: "Gay Bar"

Chat: "We are genuises"

Chat: "Sara Saves the Day"

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