55 posts tagged “bitching”

If you were sent to prison for an undefined amount of time, what would you miss most?
 

Probably being able to masturbate in private.

Furthermore, ONCE AGAIN, VOX, fuck your fucking sponsored QotD's that graffiti your greed all over our blogs.

What story of personal greatness, achievement or success would your co-workers or friends be surprised to learn about you?

I cannot think of any personal stories of greatness, achievement, or success that do not involve a roleplaying game character, which is possibly the saddest comment upon a life that a person can make.

Also, I notice that this QotD is sponsored, and that a sponsorship link shows up in our post when we answer it (I have erased this link).  Remember how much I bitched about this crap the last time you did it, Vox?  I'm not any cooler about it now than I was then.  Please stop trying to slip adverts into our content.  It is beyond sleazy.  Sponsorship is a necessary evil, but nobody wants a corporation's brand splashed across their blog posts.

Or in their tags, for that matter.

Thanks for raising an unheard-of Alaskan governor to national prominence so that she actually feels she'll have a chance in hell of winning the GOP nomination in 2012.  Thanks for giving her that stage, which she is never going to relinquish.  We're all stuck with her now, Johnny.  Good show, well done.

Also, hey, thanks for giving a soapbox to an opportunistic, politically ignorant fraud like Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher, another media leech who's made it very clear he doesn't intend to go away, ever.  Here's another tip of the hat to your unimpeachable judgment, sir.

Of all the things you have to answer for in this campaign, foisting a parade of ambitious, brain-poor doofuses upon us in the name of cheap political stunts is one of the worst.  This is your legacy, John McCain: winks and "you betcha" and Joe the Plumber's forthcoming country album.  At the risk of sounding vulgar, sir: fuck you.

Can we please keep marketing separate from the module on the main page that is supposed to represent the best of user-created content?  Anybody who gives two shits that the Olsen twins are launching another crappy tentacle of their empire already knows this, because they read about it in Talentless Troll Doll Monthly.  Why must I be burdened with this information upon signing into my account?

I am very suspicious of your motivation behind featuring the Olsens and Jennifer Lopez in this space, Vox.  Please mark advertising, sponsored links, sponsored blogs, etc., as such, CLEARLY, and leave the damn [this is good] module alone.  Maybe if that module came across as more than a crass marketing tool, I might click on something in there once in awhile.

This sort of stuff just emphasizes the morphing of Vox into a cold, brutal marketing platform, and I don't like it.  My enthusiasm for participating here wanes monthly, and this mercenary vibe is part of the reason.

I guess one of the methods you can get into the [TIG]/Explore/whatever we fucking call it now box is to regurgitate years-old news stories.  Geez, and I've been wasting all of this time trying to be creative and clever.  Silly me!

You are losing users because of this new design.  A couple people in my neighborhood are quitting or at least seriously considering it, and I don't have that big a neighborhood.  I must assume the problem is more widespread.  How many people are you willing to lose over this moronic redesign that nobody asked for?

Here's the way this works, Vox.  You provide this space, for free.  We provide you with content, also for free.  That is our arrangement.  We write things that other people will want to read, so that they come here and see as many of your ads as possible.  If less of us write these things, if less of us participate because we goddamned hate this latest update like hipsters hate sincerity, then your whole business model suffers.

We're your users, and we hate it.  We may "get used to it".  We may "deal with it" because we like the other features here, but we're never going to like it, and as soon as something superior to your service appears (as it will, in time), we will jump fucking ship without a second thought.

Think about it.

Roll the clock back, Vox.  We can all forget this terrible misstep.

We are in danger of losing ChasingTheDollar's voice because he hates it so much.  I hate it too.  It is inferior to the old version in every way, and I shouldn't have to load that 'recent activity' page (which takes forever) to see which comments have been made lately.  The old version was just about perfect.  Why change things just to change?  I don't understand.

I'm not going to link to the trailer, because merely viewing it puts you at risk for ocular AIDS.  However, I will point out that the narration refers to Martin Lawrence's character as a "police chief".

Really?

Really.

Is that a fact, trailer-voice-man?  Martin Lawrence is the Chief of Police?  Of what town, I wonder--Crazymuggingblackcomicburg?  It's bad enough that he's played a cop in, as far as I know, 4 previous movies, but now you expect us to believe that this apparently borderline retarded individual has risen to the level of Chief of Police?  How stupid do you think we are?

I'm not a fan of Martin Lawrence's movies, and I understand that perhaps fans of Big Momma's House 3: Jesus Christ, That's One Fat Bitch are not the most discerning filmgoers, but still: do we have to be this dumb?  Just because it worked so well with Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop, it doesn't mean that any skinny black stand-up can convincingly portray a cop.

You want some black actors who can (and have) convincingly played cops?  Okay, um, Denzel Washington, Delroy Lindo, Ving Rhames, Samuel L. Jackson...hell, Reginald Veljohnson.  But Martin Lawrence?  Come on, Hollywood!

If this keeps up, eventually he'll get cast as a street-smart, wise-cracking, bug-eyed, pratfalling U.S. Attorney General.  Actually...due to recent events, a movie that gives us a moron as Attorney General would be a hell of a lot easier to swallow than Martin Lawrence as a police chief.

I think I might finally be perking up.  It's 2:45 PM, and my lethargic, headachey feeling I've had all day long is finally going away.  At this rate, I'll be wide awake and raring to go by 7.

It's the result of getting up before the sun.  It fucks me all up.  This is the number one reason to prefer summer over winter: there aren't many bleary-eyed, cold, confused, muzzy-headed mornings in the summer.

I really don't want to feel like this for the next four months.

Human beings were never meant to get up before dawn.  We're not fucking wombats, after all: we're supposed to be sleeping when it's dark, not freezing our way through a shower and trying to choke down food when our stomachs are upset.

Hey, farmers?  Fuck you; you started this.

I'm not intending to turn this into a music blog, but I've spent a lot of time driving lately, and my iPod was not always in the car, so I have plenty of  bitching to do about the state of modern rock radio.

A local station, 94.7 KNRK, bills itself as "alternative".  Still.  Even though that word doesn't even mean anything anymore.  There is a song they've been playing by some new band.  I can't remember the name (and I don't want to), but it's one of those nonsensical new band names like Brainmeal Cadillac or Spaceborne or Whiplash George.  Anyway, these guys sound exactly like Smashing Pumpkins.  Not just a little; EXACTLY.  Is it not enough I had to live through the 90's as a radio listener inundated with Billy Corgan's emo squawking?  Must I be set upon by his acolytes, now?  The other day, I left the shop to buy something.  I heard the song on the way to the store, and again on the way back from the store.  I didn't spend that much time in the store.  No song needs to be played this often, especially not a Smashing Pumpkins retread.  I don't care if the song is "Whassup Bitches?  It's the Best Song Ever Written by a Human" by The Idiot Savants of Rock off of their debut release, The Idiot Savants of Rock Commence to Rocking Your Ass Like a Hurricane, I don't need to hear that shit twice in the span of an hour*.

This all reeks of this insane 90's worship that is destroying rock radio.  They do a "90's at Noon" feature on KNRK, where they play about an hour's worth of 90's rock.  The only difference between this hour and the rest of their day is that they're not wedging the new Tegan and Sara track in there somewhere.

I am sick.  Sick of Pearl Jam, sick of Alice in Chains, sick of Soundgarden, sick of fucking Stone Temple Pilots.  How about some Seven Mary Three and Candlebox while you're at it?  When it gets right down to it, that shit all sounds the same, and I'm about to stick a fucking pencil in my ear the next time you fuckers afflict me with 15-year old music that I am totally fucking over.

The 80's nostlagia is even worse.

Hey, KNRK DJ's.  Do me a favor: the world does not ever need to hear Midnight Oil's "Beds are Burning" ever again.  Really, we don't.  It was a bad song then, and it's an even worse song now.  The "message" is kindergarten-level simplicity and that Michael Berryman-looking motherfucker on vocals is so painfully earnest, I think he actually disappeared UP HIS OWN ASS shortly after the song was recorded.

Yuck.

You play some good new stuff occasionally, KNRK.  I like Spoon.  I dig the Cold War Kids.  Even fucking Tegan and fucking Sara is growing on me.  But please, give me a break with the nostalgia.

One more thing: Sting?  STING, KNRK?  Are you fucking kidding me?

NO.

NO, KNRK.

Just...NO. 

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*Not really, but pretty close.  Squid called me on it.  He would know, because he's an actual DJ on KNRK.  Apparently, when I write things here, they can be read by anybody!