From his Twitter bio:
I have dazzled stage, screen and television with my incredible talent as a musician, singer and actor.
Presented without comment.
Anyway, yeah, we've kept in touch, and he's been right there by my side, or at least in the vicinity of it, during my struggles with prescription painkillers and my other struggles with darker impulses. He's in my address book right now, in fact. With two button pushes, I could call him as I type this. I'd be all, "Hey, Billy! Remember that Chinese girl we tag-teamed back in '85?" And then he'd be all, "Dude, I'm on speaker-phone, and my mom's here, what are you talking about?" and then I'd say, "Hello, Mrs. Hufsey! Your son is a stallion!"
I just wanted to get it off my chest what a wonderful and frequently available friend Billy Hufsey is. Anytime I need his advice, I call, and there he is. It's like he doesn't have anything better to do than talk to me at any hour, and that's a sign of a good friend. So no more ragging on my buddies, Kevin Wolf! I don't come down to your friends' houses and make fun of them for not existing.
BURN.
Hello to all my fans out there, and keep your eyes peeled for the DTV horror-fest Eyes on Ice, coming out sometime soon. It's already being pirated in Thailand, which I guess means that people really want to see it! It has a werewolf and a yeti in it, and they fight.
Later!
Dear David Allan Grier,
Your television show Chocolate News is a dumb, shrill, virulently racist pile of ignorant horseshit, and if it weren't for Carlos Mencia it would be the worst program on Comedy Central ever. I hate your show. I hate it like cancer. I hate it like slavery. Your show makes people dumber all across this country every time it airs.
Sincerely,
Kevin Wolf
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Dear Comedy Central
RE: Chocolate News
You leave this diarrhea on the air, but you couldn't give Stella another season?
SERIOUSLY?
Sincerely,
Kevin Wolf
As anybody will tell you, Kevin Wolf loves teenagers. Teen-idol-agers, that is! I can't get enough of them, especially when they put my woman in their Vox neighborhoods! I find it totally awesome, dudes!
Who are some of my favorites, you might ask? Well, let me tell you.
Scott Baio!
Willie Aames!
David Cassidy!
Billy Hufsey!
Check. Out. The fringe. On that jacket. A man who can wear that jacket and still appear (sorta) straight can be the centerfold in the Tiger Beat of my heart any day. Billy Hufsey, I salute you.
My beloved Jillzey was recently 'hooded by a man named Billy Hufsey, who, for those of you unaware, is a former teen idol and star of the Fame television series. Meanwhile, I can't get a reciprocal 'hooding from Wil Wheaton.
Teen idols, why do you hate me?
Am I not "cool" enough to hang with your crowd? Do I not have anough wet teen panties in my (hypothetical) collection to purchase a spot on your team, Billy Hufsey? Well, I'll have you know, Mssrs. Hufsey and Wheaton and Baio and Cassidy, my blog has just as much to offer as your friend Jillzey's.
POSSIBLY EVEN MORE. But you'll never know, as long as you remain ignorant of the joys that 'hoodship with me can bring.
Good day, sirs!
This morning, [my dog] Stella's poop had glitter in it.
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THIS HAS BEEN "HAPPENINGS WITHOUT EXPLANATION"
The rest of the short-lived comic can be found here, if you're curious.
Show us a letter to Santa Claus.
Dear Santa Claus:
I have been a really excellent boy and haven't written any stories about people having sex or blowing up schools in like months. My teachers all say I'm much better behaved. Even though I still think it's totally cool when spies shoot missiles into people and then relax by having intercourse with women, sometimes putting their wieners in the woman's butt, I understand that some people think those kinds of stores are not appropriate for somebody my age to write. I can't help it if I know about this kind of stuff, but whatever. Did you know that when men have orgasms, they ejaculate, which is when white stuff comes out of their wieners? I just found this out, and sometimes the ejaculation goes on the woman's face, but I don't know how that makes babies.
I learn a lot of excellent stuff from the magazines in the back of my parents' closet.
Anyway, I want some Nerf stuff for Christmas, and also that laser-fighting helicopter set I saw on TV last night. I've also seen some commercials where ladies take their shirts off and kiss each other while drinking in bars. Adults do some really weird things, and that reminds me, I think my dad would like some more magazines for his closet, because some of them are really old like from the 1980's when I wasn't even born yet.
I guess that's it, Santa. I'll leave some cookies and milk out for you.
Merry Christmas, Santa! Maybe Mrs. Claus will let you put your wiener inside her this year. I bet that doesn't happen very often because you're old, and most people who have sex are teenagers. That's too bad, because I think old people like having orgasms as much as teenagers.
Billy Langdon
