Vox Hunt: Express Delivery to the North Pole

Show us a letter to Santa Claus.

Dear Santa Claus:

I have been a really excellent boy and haven't written any stories about people having sex or blowing up schools in like months.  My teachers all say I'm much better behaved.  Even though I still think it's totally cool when spies shoot missiles into people and then relax by having intercourse with women, sometimes putting their wieners in the woman's butt, I understand that some people think those kinds of stores are not appropriate for somebody my age to write.  I can't help it if I know about this kind of stuff, but whatever.  Did you know that when men have orgasms, they ejaculate, which is when white stuff comes out of their wieners?  I just found this out, and sometimes the ejaculation goes on the woman's face, but I don't know how that makes babies.

I learn a lot of excellent stuff from the magazines in the back of my parents' closet.

Anyway, I want some Nerf stuff for Christmas, and also that laser-fighting helicopter set I saw on TV last night.  I've also seen some commercials where ladies take their shirts off and kiss each other while drinking in bars.  Adults do some really weird things, and that reminds me, I think my dad would like some more magazines for his closet, because some of them are really old like from the 1980's when I wasn't even born yet.

I guess that's it, Santa.  I'll leave some cookies and milk out for you.

Merry Christmas, Santa!  Maybe Mrs. Claus will let you put your wiener inside her this year.  I bet that doesn't happen very often because you're old, and most people who have sex are teenagers.  That's too bad, because I think old people like having orgasms as much as teenagers.

Billy Langdon